We've all had them. Them moments when something clicks, or a light bulb somewhere goes off and you think 'a-ha'. Either 'a-ha' I need to look for a new job or 'a-ha' this girl I'm dating is an absolute looney tune. I've had a few just in the last week and it made me think of all the ones I had in the past. Some are bit deep, far gazing and meaningful. Others, I hope, will just make you laugh.
I like to call them
Life Affirming Moments
The time I sat with a pizza in Ben's cold, December, Brighton garden and saw my first (then subsequent six) shooting stars and had all my friends laugh at me because, at 25, I'd never seen one. I was so bloody excited. I wished on every single one & genuinely believed they'd come true! At that moment I realised, with a cold but tasty pizza and in the company of some legends, that it really is the small things in life that can bring the most excitement.
I also realised that stars are epic. My mates Josh & Dan gave me a brief lesson on them and told me that there was a chance that one of the stars I was looking at, started shining the day I was born. I was a mess. It was such a staggering thought...and well, I was shitfaced. Mess.
Talking of stars, the time I laid on a wet pier in deepest darkest Lake District, with a hot chocolate and one of my bestests and looked up at a sky that was literally dancing. I thought then 'kna what ... I am tiny, and so are some of my problems'.
Not all of them mind. I still literally loose sleep over how uneven my eyebrows are. Literally.
That time I turned up to a Trek America, on my jack, knowing nobody and was told that night I would share a tent with a stranger who was on the bus I'd just hopped on. I was 21 and had barely ever branched past Zone 2. I shat myself. I nearly went back to the hostel and called up to get on the first flight home. Instead I made good mates with a girl called Kate, went wine tasting and ended up in Canada. We pitched our tents in the dark and in the rain and I woke up with the wettest arse. It rained for 12 hours solid and I did not sleep a wink. We went to Niagra Falls that morning and saw a full rainbow over it. That happens hardly ever. That morning I kicked myself for nearly bottling it. And realised then that some shit is scary, but by the word of God it's almost always going to be worth it.
Or that time I turned up in Chicago, again at 21, to embark on some solo travels. My bag got lost and there I was. In Downtown Chicago without a toothbrush, no clean knickers and no tampons. Two words. Character building. Whilst trying to find a Walgreens at 9pm and not get shot I realised it's good to not have someone to rely on all the time. Sometimes you need to hold your own. I got a toothbrush, made friends with a weird Thai girl that hid pizza in her hostel locker and went to see the sights with her the next day. Via an Old Navy...to buy a new bra.
The time I had the brazen balls to be 18 & walk out of a job. And had the affirmation that you'll always work it out. But that it was a really dumb arse move and you're not always going to be living at your Mum's.Think shit through.
The time all our hearts got broke a bit when my Grandad passed away. I looked around at this funeral to see the best part of 100 people there to pay their respects to him. At that moment I realised I'd grown up around a legend, and if I stuck by his rules, I'd never be lonely. Yes Grandad. My guy.
There was the time that I had a bit of row with a boyfriend, so went home, got a bit pissed on my own and watched a Rod Stewart concert. I realised then, that on a Friday night, sometimes your own company is the best and it's good to be comfortable with it. I had a ball. Good job and all really. The git dumped me the following week. All of the wine & all of the old TV concerts followed...jogging bottom jams prevailed.
The other time my heart got a bit broke when the 'love of my life' snogged loads of girls in front of me at the age of 15. And I cried for weeks. Then I got 11 GCSEs and them girls have now got all the kids and I'm sitting there thinking 'cool'.
That first time someone stared me straight in the chops and called me gorgeous. And he was fit. Like, proper fit. And I realised that I weren't all that bad really. Especially when he kept calling and texting. He was a sort.
That time my two best mates bought me a pair of trainers for my birthday that I'd been raving about for months. They put them in seperate bags. The left was from Laura, the right from Sarah. Basically a little symbol (not that it was intentional) that I'd be pretty screwed without the pair. The pair of them. Sat back and realised that although they are dickheads that seperately wrap gifts I'd actually be shafted if they weren't about.
& last but not least.
The time when last week ended up being like a slow motion car crash off of a really old and quite shit film. You know when each day something comes tumbling your way that you don't quite have the energy to dive out the way of, because the thing that happened the day before is distracting you. One of them. And in the space of five days I heard from so many people, checking that I was alright or sending me something completely inappropritate to make me smile. Then I realised that as long as I have the following, I'll always be alreet.
So here is to...